Review – Event Horizon

Movie Title: Event Horizon

Director: Paul W. S. Anderson

Date Released: August 15th, 1997

Date Seen: October 26th, 2013

 

Part 1 – Spoiler Free Quickie Review

If you can go into this movie without knowing anything – like I did – that is the BEST way to go.  I watched this because I thought it was just some movie where they go in space, find an old space ship and is like every other abandoned spaceship movies.  Well I was proven wrong and I was very glad. The movie feels like Paul Anderson watched a Hellraiser marathon and then wanted to make a Hellraiser movie in space. So you know, now you know something about it.  Dang it.  But still, it was a pretty good movie.  It was hilariously cheesy, while still quite good.  Yes, it has a ridiculous plot and some serious continuity issues (they suck at space), but still was a funny and gross watch.

Whenever there is CGI, it is blatantly obvious, but you have to remember the movie was made in 1996-1997, so for the time it wasn’t that bad.  Watching it now though, was pretty funny.  There are a couple of scenes that are pretty cool with the CGI though, just for what they do. Examples are when a frozen body shatters into a million pieces and one part has liquid floating around the room, and then when gravity is restored it falls back down like a waterfall.  Pretty cool.

The plot had a couple of really tense moments, with a perfect amount of buildup that you KNEW something was about to happen.  You have no idea what, but just that buildup will scare the crap out of you.  I loved that about it.  It does take a little while to get going, but once they reach the ship, it’s pretty nonstop with tension/action/buildup/plot/repeat. I wasn’t bored watching the movie at all and kept wanting to see what happened next.

I’d recommend this movie if you haven’t seen it and like old sci-fi movies, with a bit of a twist.  Wasn’t one I was expecting at all.

 

Part 2 – In Depth Spoiler Ridden Review/Synopsis

There’s a pretty good synopsis here.

My biggest problem with the movie was the character of Weird.  I hated him.  He’s so much of a dick.  Mostly because he starts calling everyone crazy for having hallucinations when he’s clearly having them himself.  Yeah, I get that it’s because he just wants them to stay there, but  I think it would have been easier if he would have been like “Oh yeah, I’m having visions too, maybe if we all go try to get close to this gravity thing and turn it off, it will stop” and then really turn it on or whatever.  But that would make sense, right?

I like how they spend such a long amount of time focusing on Justin in the air lock.  Before the room is even completely open, he’s already starting to bleed from everywhere and have some issues.  But, during the main battle, Miller dicks around for a very long time in a room with a broken window – in space.  Nothing happens.  At all.  That was stupid.  I hate when that happens in a movie – make a big deal of something then later pretend like it doesn’t exist (cough I’m looking at you Man of Steel).

 

Overall: 7/10

I had a good time watching it, especially knowing nothing about it, and it scared the crap out of me because of that so I’d definitely recommend it if you like scifi, gory, hilarious, cheesy, while still managing to actually scare you, at least on the first watch.

Review – The Three Musketeers

Movie Title: The Three Musketeers

Director: Paul W.S. Anderson

Date Released: October 21st, 2011

Date Seen: December 6th, 2012

 

Part 1 – Spoiler Free Quickie Review

Cartoon-ish villains, unlikeable heros, and ridiculously simple plot that is mind-numbing at times.  I almost gave up on watching this movie I was so bored and annoyed with the main characters.  I was way more on team villain than on team musketeers, because they at least were hilarious, albeit cartoony.  They at least entertained me significantly more than the stereotypical musketeers.  It’s kind of like they wanted to make another musketeer movie – and keep them classic – but also wanted to appeal to everyone and have outrageous costumes, characters, and plots, and so they went that way with the villains.  Orlando Bloom’s character was SO overdone, and yet was by far my favorite.  His hair, costumes, manner of speaking, just everything about him was extreme – but I loved it.  It made him interesting to watch, unlike the boring musketeers whose names I can’t even remember ( Ok I can because I know the Musketeers story – but from just this movie, I wouldn’t remember them ).

I was also disappointed in the music in the movie.  The trailer has pretty awesome music – but this was just disappointing.  It was kind of the same one riff over and over again, even during fight scenes.  I love fight scenes with good music, but there was none of that.  I was really looking forward to it as well, so it was another let down.

I’m glad I never saw this in the theater – because I wouldn’t suggest paying for this crap.  They left the movie open for a sequel – and I highly doubt I’d go see it.

 

Part 2 – In Depth Spoiler Ridden Review

D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman) is the most annoying little shit in the whole world. I mean, I almost preferred the annoying little brat of a king to D’Artagnan.  At least the king had a reason to be annoying as shit – is a rich little spoiled brat.  D’Artagnan has no reason to be a disrespectful piece of crap… and he’s a main character so we see him all the time. Another reason he is annoying is that that blonde chick turns him down multiple times – but he will do anything for her – like risk their lives.  Seriously?  Just get a hooker, it’d be cheaper.

Other things that annoy me – at the very beginning of the movie, the men have no problem blowing up Da Vinci’s vault and destroying everything in there.  Really?

The big “fight” to break into the English palace was boring as shit.  It was a grand total of about 2 minutes.  And went exactly to plan.  That’s just no fun, now is it.  Then, on the ship, Milady doesn’t even try to drop the diamonds off the thing? Come on.  Then, the next scene, we find out that the French now have an airship too – if they were able to build it with just one look and no plans, why was it necessary to go get the plans in the first place – and destroy Da Vinci’s workshop?   Geez.

I’m also unsure of why they didn’t expose the cardinal as well – because you know that he’s going to try something again.  But no.  Just let him walk away.  I mean, I’m happy because I love Christoph Waltz – but still, come on musketeers!  He’s the one making all these plans so seems like he’d be the one you most likely want to dispose of.  Ugh.

 

Overall: 5/10

I don’t think I’d even redbox rent this one.  Maybe a netflix instant viewing – don’t waste a DVD slot on it like I did, it’s not even that good.