Movie Title: Doghouse
Date Released: June 12th, 2009 (UK)
Date Seen: long time ago, again on July 3rd, 2013
Part 1 – Spoiler Free Quickie Review
A hilarious British horror/comedy that follows a group of 6 men on a retreat to Moodley – a tiny town where the women outnumber the men 4-to-1. Their mission: get wasted, make their friend Vince forget about his stupid now ex-wife, and just have a crazy good time. Of course, they don’t realize that something has gone wrong in the town… something that has made all the women turn into zombie like creatures who really do want to jump their bones… to eat them.
This movie is amazing because it’s a funny horror film. I love those. I also love British comedic horror (another favorite is Severance). It features Danny Dyer, whom I adore for his quirky, always slightly high, way about him – and he’s a good actor. It also has a couple of actors you’ll recognize from being “in stuff” but not ever really starring. Everyone is hilarious in this movie, from the gay friend who can’t believe he came on this woman-hunting trip, to the super macho man who at one point ends up cross dressing. It’s great. Beyond just the main guys being incredible, we get some super insane zombies. They all have a theme. There’s a Bride zombie, and a hair cutting zombie (known as the Snipper), and even a crossing guard zombie. They are all very scantily clad, sexy (well, except the crossing guard), and insane. It’s fun to see the type of zombies they picked to make.
Definitely watch this film if you like zombies, if you like funny horror, or if you just love dark comedies. You will laugh if you’re alone, you’ll laugh with friends, and you’ll laugh on the 20th viewing of this film. It’s a great one.
Part 2 – In Depth Spoiler Ridden Review/Synopsis
The movie opens with Vince waking up to his alarm going off at 1 pm. He hits the snooze button, but then almost momentarily after, his cell phone goes off to his friend Neil, but he ignores that as well. We then cut to Neil, having some girl issues. IE some girl accusing him of treating him like a prostitute, and how it was their second date and he should treat her better, etc. He asks her what her name was again, in a seriously confused/high look, and then drives off to get Vince. Now we cut to Graham who is having a fight with his boyfriend about how boyfriend doesn’t want Graham to go. Graham leaves with the “sorry, but it’s a no girls allowed weekend”. Now we cut to Mikey who is fighting with his wife. Wife doesn’t want him to go, doesn’t want strippers on this boys weekend, etc. Mikey leaves saying that Vince needs him right now because he just got divorced, and it’s all for Vince, his bud, and he leaves. We cut to Patrick who is having his girlfriend/wife yell at him and throwing things at him, while he just tunes it out with a “stress therapy” iPod mix. We then meet Matt, the younger nerdy looking guy, who appears to own a comic book store. He is fighting with a kid about some zombies in a comic. Now we go back to Vince – who we now see ready to go, but it’s clear he’s all upset and sad. He appears to be unsure about the weekend, and starts to go back inside, leaving a pawprint lighter on the balcony. Luckily, before he can get back inside, the boys arrive to pick up Vince. They literally pick him up and haul him off, with Mikey running back to grab the lighter. Now all the guys significant others/random girls are seen saying “bastards…”. So it’s clear they’re all in some sort of doghouse right now. Duh. That’s the name of the movie.
The guys now all head to a bar and start drinking, trying to get Vince in a better mood before their trip. They start asking about where Banksy is, because apparently he’s always late. We then see him rushing out the door, shutting it, putting everything in his car, and then realizing he just locked his keys and cell phone in the house. The guys then continue drinking beer, smoking cigars, and discussing how they are going to make Vince feel better (golf, telling fun stories, etc.) Their plan is to just go out to the middle of nowhere, pee on trees to mark their territory, find a pub, get drunk as fuck – and then they get interrupted by a super hot lady, Ruth, who is their driver for the weekend. Her and Neil don’t get off on the right foot, but he slips her a lot of money and says “from now on your name is Candy” and she says “alright, call me Candy!”. The boys head off, but still with no Banksy, who is having possibly the worst day ever – his car, that he apparently just bought, is already steaming and destroyed at the side of the road.
The driver mentions how it’s weird they are going to this town, Moodley. It’s seemingly in the middle of nowhere with nothing of importance. Neil explains that it is because in Moodley, woman outnumber the men by 4-to-1. Candy is already kind of laughing at their plan, saying that “so of course this means the women all want it bad” and Neil, “obviously.” The other guys survive the drive their way. Mikey and Matt reading some of Matt’s comics. Patrick listening to his stress ipod mix, and Vince and Neil talking to Candy. They have to stop suddenly in the road because of a dead ripped open sheep in the middle of the road. Candy and Vince move it out of the way. Then of course the fun “cell phone” scene in every vacation movie happens. One starts ringing, and another, and another, so Neil takes everyone’s cell phones and puts them in a bag. They then reach the town of Moodley and the boys realize how much of a shit-hole Moodley is. It’s in the middle of nowhere, pretty much just one street, etc. The boys decide to go exploring the town. Candy tells them, as she puts eye-drops in her suddenly red and puffy eyes, that she is off the clock for 30 minutes and is then leaving with or without them.
Some of the guys go to a bar, and find it empty. Mikey goes to find his Nan’s house, which is where they are staying. He can’t find the spare key that he said “he [knew] exactly where it [was]”, and starts cursing – but doesn’t notice the half a severed hand on the swing set behind him. Matt goes to tell Candy to come have a drink, but gets distracted by a weird shop with things like a “mummified penis.” He also notices there are “VOTE FOR MEG NUT” signs everywhere. How strange. He doesn’t notice the bloody hand print on the window behind him, nor the bloody soccer ball. In the bar bathroom, Neil goes pee, and hears someone struggling in the stall next to him. He peeks under the door and just sees some feet standing there while someone pees – and sees a bit of blood drop down, but doesn’t think much of it other than “ew gross”. He goes and tells the guys he saw a girl throwing up in the bathroom, and they start talking about how there’s a weird smell. They chalk it up to the bar not being filled with smoke, and thus you can smell the stale beer and pee smell. Really, we see it’s a dead body behind the bar, the bartender all ripped open and bloody. Back with Mikey – he finds the spare key…. and a bloody hand print on the fence he finally notices. He then starts really looking at things, and finds a bloody line of clothes – and an axe in a doghouse (ha) – and a zombie bride. Yes, a bride. Her wedding dress is all cut up and skanky, it’s really just the under garments left and the veil. She sees Mikey, grabs the axe, and starts chasing him. He doesn’t believe it’s real at first but then starts running. Outside on the street, Matt finds a bullet casing on the ground and starts looking at it closely, before all the guys come outside. They finally see someone in the street. A woman, with her back turned, walking really odd. She starts turning towards them, but then a man in army garb runs out of nowhere and attacks the woman, starts beating her, and is about to stab her. Our group attacks him, and take turns beating him up. He keeps trying to explain, while Neil gets cornered by the girl (still can’t see her face, as it’s covered by a hoodie), and she stabs him through the hand. Now she starts going after the other guys and they’re all like “wtf”. Luckily, Mikey appears behind her, and smashes a garden gnome (from his Nan’s garden) over her head to knock her out.
They remove her hood and Mikey shows them that she’s all zombie like. He then points out that she’s not the only one and points to the Bride coming around the corner. We then see the woman that was in the bar stumble out of it, she shall be called the Barmaid. From the weird store Matt was looking at, The Burning Witch, the Witch zombie comes out wearing an eye-patch and a bustier that is pushing her boobs way up. The guys start to run for the bus, but not before grabbing the army guy they just knocked out. They get to the bus, but open the door to find candy having a kind of seizure – and then turning into a zombie as well. They run back to town, and we now find another woman joining the chase – the Snipper – coming out of, you guessed it, a hair salon. The men make it to the kind of maze of fences behind Mikey’s Nan’s house, and find just a massacre of bodies. One body they find is strung up on a fence. It appears to be an army general. They make Mikey grab his gun – but the guy then wakes up. He’s so cut up you can see his heart beating. He says “don’t go in the woods…” and Vince is like “why? why not? why not go in the woods?” and the guy starts laughing and says “everything you’ve ever been afraid of” right as the Bride comes up behind the fence and shoves an axe through the guys head. The group runs off screaming to the house as the Bride, the Witch, and the Barmaid come at them from the front. The Snipper kind of sneaks up behind Matt and chops a bit of his hair off before trying to kill him. It’s hilarious. The guys get inside the house, without any casualties. Once inside, though, the girls leave. Strange? The check the phones – of course they don’t work. One of them points out “of course, put the phones in the bag, what a great idea”. They then start talking about what could be the cause of the zombie women. They do figure out quickly that it must be in the air since Candy got it, but that it only affects women seems strange. The general guy wakes up, finally, and they demand answers out of him. He at first just kind of makes fun of them, but they get pissed and start threatening him. Patrick stops them by saying that the kettle is ready – and so they all sit down for tea to ask the dude questions, instead. You know, like any logical group would do. The man introduces himself as Sergent Gavin Wright – and that this is a virus. And yes, only women get it. Why? Just how that virus worked. Vince starts asking questions like “is there a cure, where did it start, how did it start” and Gavin says they shouldn’t be asking questions like that – like how many of them there are. He explains that the whole town is contaminated – and most of them are in the woods, because they’re hunting. Gavin says that their best chance is to take the bus out of town. They explain that Candy is on the bus – but hey, that’s just one zombie.
As the men go across town, we see a couple of the women wandering around but none catch sight of the group. They make it almost to the bus and go over the plan. They are going to send Neil to the bus to draw Candy out – because as he said many times before, women love him. He’s now regretting that, obviously. There is one of the funniest parts in the movie, when Gavin says “if you have to kill her, just do it, she’s not Candy anymore.” Neil looks kind of upset saying “well, she never was, her name was actually Ruth.” Graham points out that now is not the time to stop objectifying women, that right now Neil just needs to continue being the misogynistic pig they all know and love. Neil goes and gets her off the bus, and she starts chasing him. The rest of the group then gets on the bus, gets it started – and only then realize that the Bride and the Snipper are hiding on the bus, so of course they all run back off. Poor Patrick gets stuck trying to get the cell phones off the bus – and the Bride chases him. He throws the back up on a bill board, and starts climbing, but does get an axe to the leg. He makes it up, but the bride is still below, and she starts trying to chop down the billboard. We see him look at his golf balls, but aren’t sure how those will help.
In town, the boys have seemingly awakened more zombies. We see Neil running with Candy chasing him, and a new zombie, Julie, a grocery store lady, comes out of her shop. We also get the Dentist now, running around with tools. A couple others are seen around as well. Julie starts creeping in on them, and Mikey calls her by name – saying he used to know her, that they had a “thing” and it didn’t end well. Julie attacks Mikey and Vince, the Witch attacks Gavin and Graham. A random zombie attacks Matt, but she quickly falls and breaks an ankle – and then the Snipper starts coming after him. Luckily, from across the way, Patrick hits a golf ball straight at her head with a baseball bat. He knocks out the Snipper and Julie – and then he manages to hit the Dentist straight in the teeth. The girls are now all kind of confused and sort of fighting each other – and before they run off the boys joke about how maybe they should start placing bets on them. Gavin jokes that his money is on the Witch – as she cuts off the Dentist’s head with her sword. They then run off saying that they should stay together – as Matt and Vince run into a school supply/toy store and Mikey, Graham, and Gavin run into a clothing store. Patrick is left on his billboard, with the Bride still hacking away.
We now cut to Neil, who stops to take a break from running – and out from the woods comes a riding crop wielding, in horse show clothes, zombie. She slaps Neil in the ass with the riding crop, multiple times. He finds a golf ball on the ground, throws it straight at her face, and it hits her in the eye, so she’s left stumbling off. Then, an old lady zombie comes out of a house, and sports music starts playing as Neil runs up to her, kicking a soccer ball straight at her. He runs into the house she just came out of – thinking he’s in the clear, as a big fat zombie hits him on the head with a frying pan. Back inside the clothing store, the boys there discover there was a zombie girl inside a dressing booth. Gavin saves Mikey from her, by shooting her. Mikey gets all pissed saying NOW you say you had a gun, and Gavin shows that it was his last bullet and he was saving it for when he really needed it. Mikey’s like “ugh well you’re still a twat.” The sound though has seemingly drawn all the women to outside their store. In the toy store, the boys are discovering what they have in there. At first they think nothing – but then they discover some nitrol fluid, for powering remote controlled cars. They use it to get the Snipper out of their shop by lighting her arm on fire. Then they discover some radios – and have a genius idea. We now cut to a remote controlled car driving from the toy store to the clothing store through the mass of zombie women, with a radio attached to the top. Of course, it takes forever to actually get to the clothing store, because the boys are fighting over who gets to drive. But it makes it there and they now have a means of communication.
Now we cut back to Neil – in the best scene in the movie. The fat zombie lady has Neil tied up in a chair. From the decorations around the house, it looks like it was her birthday. She has a cake – but instead of candles – there are fingers sticking out of it. She is sucking on one, while staring at a whimpering Neil. Neil starts telling her how sexy she is – and how they should skip this “finger food’ (ha) and just go straight upstairs. She is laughing and rubbing boobs, and it seems to be working, until he starts coughing and getting disgusted. So she goes and grabs an electric knife – and cuts off one of his fingers. Back on the billboard – which is still being hacked away, and looks like it’s near breaking point – Patrick has just resigned himself to death and is listening to his stress free iPod music thing.
Through the radios, the guys discuss a plan. Matt figures out a plan. A genius freaking plan. He fills a squirt gun with nitro fluid – and attaches the lighter to it. Then Mikey comes up with round 2 of the plan. They put a dead man’s severed head that was in the clothing shop in the back of the remote control car and drive it around to distract the women, while Mikey heads to the army truck parked outside. It works for a surprisingly long amount of time, despite some near tip overs of the car, a sweet jump, etc. Finally it falls. Of course, it’s also right when Mikey manages to set the alarm off of the army truck, alerting all the zombie women to his location. He runs off into the nearest building – which is a butcher shop, and of course there’s a butcher zombie in there. the guys run out of the toy store, with their fire gun ready to go. They manage to shoot the only nearby zombie – the Witch with it. Only then do they realize that once they lit the fuel, it wouldn’t stop burning inside the gun – and a trail of fuel had been leaking from the gun – causing it to catch on fire, follow the trail, and then exploding the toy shop. They end up outside running away from to hide from the female zombies, who are now chasing Mikey, as well as the new Butcher zombie. Mikey makes it back to the clothing store. We see Matt and Vince make it to a church. Inside the church they find it was kind of a haven of medical experiments on the zombie women, finding blood and guts, and bodies of them everywhere. There’s also like a setup of a bunch of computers, but the power is off. It looks like a control center. Gavin, Graham, and Mikey left the radio outside – but manage to hear that the guys are in a church. They need a plan to get to the church – so what do they come up with – cross dressing. Gavin ends up looking really nice, with a nice little dress. The other two, including Graham the gay guy, look ridiculous. The plan works though, and they make their way to the church (of course though the guys have put down the remote so they don’t hear the boys telling them to open the church doors to let them in). At the church they have an encounter with Julie, who recognizes Mikey. They kill her though, and continue to the church. They get joined by Patrick though! The billboard had finally fallen down, but he managed to get away, grab a nine iron, and hobble over to the church. How he knew they were at the church, we’ll never know, but whatever.
Back at Neil, he’s managed to get in a position where he can piss off the fat Zombie – causing her to pull the electric knife forward as she leans into him – and thus cuts the rope tying him up. He pulls the electric knife from her hand, shoves it into her head, heads out the front door – only to find all the other girls passing by right then, who then obviously start to go after him. He runs upstairs and escapes through a window. He appears to be kind of close to the church, and thus hears Vince and Matt opening the door to let the other three guys in, and luckily, they notice Neil. Neil heads towards them but falls through the roof of the building he’s on – right onto some S&M bed in an S&M room with a Dominatrix zombie and two other zombies. They notice Neil and all go after him, but they start fighting amongst themselves and thus gives him a chance to escape. But not before he watches them fight a little bit first. They all get in the church, and while bandaging Patrick and Neil’s wounds, they lighten the load a bit by talking about which ones zombies they think are hot. Graham can’t doesn’t like it, obviously, because he’s gay – and he thinks that they’re just being disrespectful to women. Now in the background, Gavin finds something he was looking for – a button. And then Matt manages to get the computers back on. When the computer comes on, we find that the whole city is under surveillance, and in the middle monitor is Meg Nut – the lady who there are posters for all over town to be mayor. She can’t see them because the camera has fallen down, and she tells them that, as she also demands to know where “they” were for the last 24 hours, what happened to her escort, and why they left her chained to this briefcase. Matt then gets the camera up and she says “who are you? You’re not part of project cathouse…..” and turns off the monitor with a message that says “UNAUTHORIZED USER – PURGE” and the computers all fizz up and die. Well, that sucks.
Gavin’s watch goes off and he runs to a window. He explains that “it’s happening…” They ask what, and he says the girls are entering phase two – where they start to mutate and get smarter, faster, and “weirder”. We see the girls changing, getting sharper teeth, one of them grows bone claw things (kind of like Wolverine has before he got the Adamantium in his body), etc. And now, instead of the girls just milling around outside, the Bride is now beating down the door with her axe. Gavin now says that the button he just found emits a high frequency sound that is extremely painful to them – but only after the phase two transition. He pushes it, but they’re unsure if it worked, because obviously, they can’t hear it. For a moment it seems like it works, but it doesn’t. Gavin kind of gives up. He says they’re fucked now that that button isn’t working. They ask him what Meg Nut has to do with this – and he says she’s not really that important, just a “delivery girl” but doesn’t say what she’s delivering. Then Matt notices a biohazard container, opens it, and finds the laundry soap Meg Nut has for a sponsor – it’s how they’re delivering the virus. Smart, right? Causse you know, women do the wash. Ha. Then as Gavin tells them that it is a genius weapon – turning an entire 1/2 a population against the other – he suddenly starts bleeding from his mouth, and we falls over and dies. A zombie comes out of the confession both behind him with some hedge clippers. Who is it? Mikey’s Nan. Matt kills her by beating her with a golf club. After that, he’s kind of traumatized, by the fact that he just had his first kill. He goes into the back room. Vince decides to go check on him, and finds him being held up against a wall by the now extremely charred Witch zombie. He tells Vince to run as she stabs him through the stomach. Vince goes back to the guys and can’t really explain what happened, just said “he’s dead…” The Witch then announces herself though, by coming through the door. All the men are pissed now though, especially Mikey, and they just go after her and kill her.
While the Bride keeps hacking away at the front door of the church, the guys head down a back door that heads down-wards. They know this must be how the witch got in, but it seems to be their only chance out. Down the stairs they just find more and more ripped up body parts from the military guys that were there. At the end of the hallway, they find that the women have been bringing all the men and their bodies down this hallway – and find a kind of nest. A number of the zombies are eating off their giant pile of man bodies, then notice these guys, and start chasing them. The guys run back up the hall, up the stairs, being chased, and of course, who happens to break in right then – but the Snipper and the Bride. So the guys run to the upstairs of the church, block the door, then start to climb out the window.
Outside, we see Banksy has finally arrived. Oh freaking no. He kind of leisurely meanders down the street, finding Vince’s lighter on the ground outside in front of the church. He looks up and sees them coming out the window. Bucksy asks them why they’re on the roof, and that they wouldn’t believe what type of day he’s had. They just kind of look at him, and send him to go get a ladder. He gets a ladder, and climbs up it, thinking that they want it so he can come up. Graham and Vince keep holding the door shut while the others help get Patrick down. But of course, some zombie women show up below the ladder, so the men are reduced to making a path across the roof using the ladder. Graham sends Vince out, while he keeps holding the door. While Vince is about halfway across the ladder, we see the fat zombie appear and scream and run into the church. She gets up there, and so Graham starts to run, but unfortunately, as he is halfway across the ladder, the fat zombie flips it over, causing him to fall to the other zombies, and then she jumps on top of him and kills him.
The guys manage to get down and around a building, and find Banksy’s car. It’s a rental. And it’s a tiny little smart car. They all start bitching and whining about whose fault is what, about how it’s the worst holiday ever, and blah blah blah. Patrick flips out and starts calming them down saying it’s no one’s fault and they have to work together – and then the Snipper comes up behind him and starts stabbing him to death. They run off, leaving a dead Patrick, to the van, and manage to get Candy/Ruth out of it, but not before Banksy gets stabbed by the Barmaid with a broken off beer bottle. The drinking-end is pointing out, and so his blood just kind of pours out of it. It was pretty funny.
The remaining guys get in the bus, Vince, Neil, and Mikey. Mikey screams at Vince to go – but he doesn’t. He just kind of stares blankly out the window saying he’s having a mid-life crisis. Mikey’s like REALLY?!?! RIGHT NOW?!?! Neil seems happy that he’s finally having his mid-life crisis / moment of realization. He then starts bitching at the two of them, about how Mikey is letting his good marriage just slip through his fingers, and Neil is just a hoe-bag, so why the hell are they still alive. Then he goes on a kind of emotional soul searching, finally burning the picture of his ex-wife that was still in his wallet. All the while the zombie women have been getting closer and beating on the windows. Finally, in a moment of triumph, the guys take off down the road in the van – leaving a trail of zombies chasing after them. They even manage to crash into the fat zombie, leaving a huge puddle of blood all over the van.
The guys are nearly gone, and home free, when their radio goes off – it’s Graham. They slam the brakes on the car and tell him they thought he was squashed. He says he’s hurt, but alive, and in the nest. The three men kind of look at each other, and they tell him they’re coming to get him. They turn around, and head back into Moodley, while Graham looks around the nest and manages to find that high frequency button in a dead guys hand. He then starts walking out. He finds the power switch on the way out, and turns it on – so now he has a weapon. The three guys, on their way into town, manage to crash the van. The herd of zombie women come towards them, but Vince gives Neil and Mikey (still in a dress, mind you) an emotional pep talk. The boys are prepped and ready to fight and go out with a bang. They start walking towards the zombies and in one of the best moments ever, western dueling music starts playing as they get ready to swing their golf clubs at the zombies. But, at the same moment, Graham manages to fix the high-frequency sound thing which causes all the zombies to stop. Graham comes outside, tells them he fixed the thing, and they help him into a shopping cart (since he’s all wounded). Meanwhile, Neil has a little bit of fun with the button, turning it on and off so the zombies kind of look like they are playing red light-green light. Of course though, then Neil throws the remote control to Vince, so he can have a turn, and it falls and breaks. So the zombies come back to life and the movie ends with the three guys just pushing Graham out of the city in the shopping cart while being chased by mad zombies.
Did they live, did they die? Who freaking cares it was awesome!
I love this movie, it’s hilarious, on every watch, has the coolest zombies ever, and is a fun horror film.