Movie Title: Evil Dead
Date Released: April 5th, 2013
Date Seen: April 7th, 2013
Part 1 – Spoiler Free Quickie Review
If you’re a fan of the original Evil Dead (see my review here), then please skip seeing this movie. You WILL be disappointed, not too surprisingly. The original Evil Dead is incredible for the campy, hilarious, over the top gore, and it doesn’t take itself seriously. It works great. This movie however, tried to turn the original campy hilarious gore fest into a more serious horror movie… but it fails at that. The lines are still just as cheesy as the first one, but it’s not trying to be funny, so it just comes off as awkward. If, on the other hand, you have not seen the original Evil Dead, and you enjoy a gory movie, then you might like this one. I still wouldn’t recommend paying to see the movie, because it’s still not great, but save it for a Netflix watch or similar. For being only 91 minutes long, the movie dragged on for quite a while. I kept waiting for it to be over.
In line with the cheesy scenes – the acting is just awkward and forced. The worst person is Shiloh Fernandez, who plays David, the main girl’s brother. They are going to the woods to have a detox on his sister, Mia (Jane Levy). Because of her detox, she goes through fits of rage, anger, etc. before becoming possessed. He, at one point, tries to make a “I’m sorry, but this is for your own good” face, but he just comes off as looking constipated. Another time his worried face is kind of just this blank stare into space. He wasn’t great. Jane Levy was very good, however. She might have just appeared to be great though because everyone else sucked.
The movie is full of blood, gore, and disgusting scenes. I feel like I should warn you about one scene, it was the only one I had to look away for. There’s a scene where someone gets attacked in the bathroom. This person who gets attacked, gets stabbed with a needle… in the eyeball… and then pulls it out. I can’t stand anything to do with needles or eyes so I was definitely squirming for that part. Otherwise the gore was tolerable, and actually kind of funny. One scene, Mia barfs this horrendously fake looking blood with chunks in it onto another girl. That was hysterical. Also, anytime someone is wounded, duct tape is the go-to bandage. Oh, you got stabbed? Duct tape. Oh, you lost an arm? Duct tape. This movie really would have been better suited as a very dark duct tape ad. It might have been better billed that way as opposed to “the scariest movie ever” which it most certainly is not.
Part 2 – In Depth Spoiler Ridden Review
If you’re a fan of Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon’s “The Cabin in the Woods”, then there are certain scenes that you will find yourself laughing hysterically at in the movie. For example, when the idiot teacher Eric (Lou Taylor Pucci) decides to ignore all the warnings (seemingly written in blood) from the book (that appears to be covered in skin), and he reads the Latin words, I found myself wanting to scream “Ok, I’m drawing a line in the fucking sand. Do NOT read the Latin!”. Then, of course, what does he do, but he reads the Latin. Another scene, was at the end of the movie, when Mia lives, I whispered over to my sister, “The virgin death is optional, so long as it’s the last one.” My sister said “but… she’s a druggie and stuff… not virginal” and I said “we work with what we have.”
I’m wondering if I’m also the only person who kept thinking of Pinhead from Hellraiser, when the blond girl was shooting nails into her face? Maybe?
One final thing to note – I thought the whole entire end sequence was absolutely ridiculous. The demon that rose up seemed to be killed WAY to easily, which was my biggest problem with the sequence. Also, when Mia’s hand gets crushed by the jeep (which makes no sense why your WHOLE ENTIRE body would make it out of the way, but not your hand), she seems to rip it off like it’s gummy material. I realize that yes, your bones would have been crushed, but there still seems like there would have needed to be a lot more work than that to get your hand out. And she had a chain saw right there, just use that. I think it’d hurt less, as well. Anyway, after she kills the demon, she starts to wander off through rape-wood, supposedly to civilization, I guess. But for once, did she duct tape up her wound? Nope. Guess she’s destined to die anyway, because she didn’t duct tape that shit up.
I repeat what I said above – if you’ve seen the original, skip this movie. If you haven’t seen the original, maybe watch this one, but preferably, just go watch the original, unless you’re a big gore fan.