Movie Title: The Apparition
Director: Todd Lincoln
Date Released: August 24th, 2012
Date Seen: August 31st, 2012
Part 1 – Spoiler Free Quickie Review
You know how in movies there are like 6 different possibilities…
A great movie
A movie that was made as a joke or just on a whim and ended up being fantastic (generally like cult movies)
A good movie, that was made to be good
A good movie that ended up just being bad.
A bad movie that’s bad enough to laugh at and although it sucks is still entertaining in that respect
A bad movie that is so bad you want to stab yourself over and over and over and over just to make it stop.
“The Apparition” is that last one. For being only an 82 minute long movie, it seemed like it went on forever. It was HORRIBLE. There was a lot to make fun of but you were just so miserable watching this movie and wanting it to end…. Yeah, I could have left, but I just had to see if it honestly was that bad the whole way through. And it was.
DO NOT go see this movie. Please. Save the money, the time, and the sanity. The plot sucks, the acting sucks, some actors (Tom Felton in particular) don’t even look like they want to be there, and it’s just shit all around. It had potential to be cool with the whole “Once you believe you die” thing, but other than in the trailer, I don’t ever think they even mentioned that in the movie. So they fail. On all accounts. Don’t do it.
Part 2 – In Depth Spoiler Review/Synopsis
The movie begins with a 1970s experiment called the “Charles Experiment.” Some coworkers were trying to contact a recently deceased coworker. The table kind of vibrated, whatever, and then they took a picture afterwards and Charles appeared to be standing in the group shot as well. Terrifying. Not.
Flash forward to the 2000s, we see some college students, Patrick (Tom Felton), Ben (Sebastian Stan), Lydia (Julianna Gill), and some other guy trying to recreate the experiment. Lydia made a figure for them to channel their energy into. They wear these stupid headsets to focus their energy and make it seem like there’s 100x more people in the room (so 4 people = 400 people). They start “channeling” their energy into the doll, some weird shit starts happening, the table shakes, weird lights, the figurine explodes, and then Lydia gets sucked into a wall and disappears.
Flash forward to actually today, probably a few years later. Ben is now just some poor tech guy who installs home theaters and other similar systems. He is dating Kelly (Ashley Greene) who works at a veterinarians office and is apparently about to become a vet herself. Kelly goes and picks Ben up from work and they start driving home. Apparently Kelly’s parents are letting her live in their new $300,000+ “extra” home to take care of it. And it’s somehow fully furnished and has amazing crap everywhere. Whatever. In the car ride, Ben’s phone rings and he doesn’t answer it. Oh man, that’s soooo scary. They stop and talk to the only neighbors for a minute, a man, his daughter and their dog. That night, Ben and Kelly have dinner, lock the house up, set the alarm and go fall asleep in each others arms on the couch for no real reason… Kelly wakes up and starts freaking out and wakes Ben up – because all the doors are open. Oh noes. So they call the security company, he says it was probably just kids messing around, and then the next day Ben decides to install security cameras around the house.
After they get done with the security cameras and some other projects, they sit down to rest. Conveniently at that time, the neighbors dog runs up and into their house. They follow the dog into the laundry room and tell him to come here. The dog just sits down… and starts to die. THE ABOUT TO BE A VET GIRL takes it to the hospital. Seriously!?!? IF YOU’RE ABOUT TO BE A VET WHY COULDN’T YOU SAVE THE DOG?!?! Stupid. She didn’t even try. So the neighbors dog is dead, Kelly is super sorry, blah blah. Later at some point she takes the neighbors a new dog, but I didn’t care. At the house, they look at the spot where the dog died, and discover there’s this weird rot (in their brand new house) at that spot. Ben crawls under the house and finds that all the beams at that spot are rotted and disgusting. He also sees a strange shadow for a second but then crawls back out. That night Kelly goes to take a shower. In the shower, she rubs herself down with soap and then puts the soap down and it starts to rot. Ew. But we don’t see her naked so that scene was a fail. Ben checks his email while she was in the shower and sees he has TONS (like 50 or so) emails from Patrick. They all say “call me now!” “it’s an emergency” “something went wrong” “you’re in danger”. The last one has a video, and he watches it. Basically they did the Charles experiment again, trying to capture the demon ghost thing and it failed. So they really let it out. Oh no.
About that time, Kelly gets out of the shower and goes to the closet, and finds all her clothes are tied up into knots and there’s some scratches on the back wall. Clearly that’s the sign that the devil is there. So for some demented reason, the couple decides to NOT sleep in their house.. but to sleep, in the backyard, in a tent. Because that’s definitely safer. You know if it’s a ghost it’ll still get you on the property, so now just in that rare case it’s just someone screwing with you, you’re so much easier to kill. Dumb-ass. Ben swears he’ll stay awake and so Kelly goes to sleep. He hears a weird noise and goes to investigate. At the same time we see the cameras start to get hit and go fuzzy. One though falls and slowly “crawls” over to Kelly and is left outside the tent. Ben comes back and is all confused.
The next day, while Kelly is off at supposed vet training (lord does she need it) Ben cleans up the camera pieces. He also briefly gets out his old ghost-stuff, like his infrared and heat sensing lasers, as well as some pictures of Lydia, the girl who got sucked into the wall. Apparently they were dating. He leaves and goes to work and shuts the garage door… but it magically reopens! Another sign that the devil is there!!! Kelly comes home, but seems to not care the garage door is open. She also finds Bens old work stuff and apparently knew nothing about it. She gets all pissed so when he comes home she is all yelling at him that he never told her about Lydia and what happened to her and all his ghost crap. She makes him leave – without his McDonalds soda! That bitch. Then of course, as he goes and mopes and gets ready to leave, all the lights in the house go off. Kelly, rather than go outside, takes the thermal imaging thing and walks around the house with it. Rather than scanning the house though, she just holds it at like one spot in each room and walks forwards and backwards. Dumb bitch. Eventually she sees a scary thing and it lunges at her, and then the lights go on and Ben is there to save her. They decide to go sleep at a hotel.
At the hotel, Ben sleeps on the couch and Kelly on the bed, because she’s still pissed. They go to sleep and Ben wakes up but is on the ceiling, kind of peering down on his body. He looks over and sees the covers of the bed start to mummify Kelly. He doesn’t yell though to try and save her. Finally the ghost lets him back in his own body and Ben manages to save Kelly. Now they have decided that ok this has gone a bit to far and call Patrick. Patrick tells them (at the top of a random hill… great meeting place) that he has been living in a cage he made at his home to protect him from this thing… which is apparently a demon that they unleashed upon this world. He does have an idea to get rid of it, though.
They go to Ben/Kelly’s house and set up these amplifiers everywhere the ghost has made an appearance. They then play the recordings of the experiments they did backwards to try and send the ghost back to his world… because if their experiments first brought it out, then the recordings backwards, will OBVIOUSLY make the ghost go back into the other world… ugh. Stupid. So they play the recordings and tap into every power source they can and it ends up being like 1 million people are all focusing their energy on sending the ghost back…. There are so many sound waves it even causes the foundation to crack… but not the TV. Nope, the TV is fine. All the other glass in the house breaks though. Ugh. So 2 days later, and nothing appears to have happened. Patrick is about to go back home, but sits down and decides to have a beer first. Kelly and Ben are outside. Patrick, is just sitting chilling in his chair… and then gets sucked into the room behind him. Ben and Kelly come back in and see the chair flipped over and the spilled corona. Similar to toast landing jam-side down, a spilled Corona is the sign of the devil. So they leave quickly and go to Patricks house where that safe room is. They get there, and go in the safe room – and Ben immediately disappears. Kelly finds him outside the safe room (so apparently it wasn’t that safe) and being sucked into a wall. She cries, runs through the forest all night, ends up in a completely empty Costco, sits in a tent, starts crying, and hands start appearing all over her (like the trailer and the movie poster).
Yeah this movie sucked. It was just mind-numbingly horrible. It dragged on and on and on and just wouldn’t end. I couldn’t stand it. It was shit in every way, shape and form.