Movie Title: Rock of Ages
Director: Adam Shankman
Release Date: June 15th, 2012
Date Seen: June 16th, 2012
Part 1 – Spoiler Free Quickie Review
I’m very conflicted on this movie. While there were great scenes, there were also horrendous scenes. Some scenes were just cheesy, and some scenes were just translated horribly from the musical stage to film. Acting wise, some people were great, while others fell flat. Singing wise, again the same, some great, some not so great.
Sherrie Christian – Julianne Hough – the “small town girl” from, shocker, Tulsa, OK (which is where I live for anyone reading this). The character was ok. She did a good job, acting wise, but man, Hough’s singing voice drove me nuts. I just wanted to shove a sock in her mouth some times. It’s not a BAD voice, I just didn’t like it. But she did a good acting job and has a slamming body – making some stripping and dancing scenes really enjoyable.
Drew Boley – Diego Boneta – My mom and sister didn’t like him at first, but I did. I thought he sang significantly better than Hough and didn’t mind when he sang. Which is good, considering apparently he toured with RBD (a Mexican pop group) for a bit.
Stacee Jaxx – Tom Cruise – Amazing. Seriously, amazing. He sang well, acted well, played the slightly crazy really well (hmm wonder why!), and was RIPPED. I did not think his tiny short little body could look like that. But it did.
Dennis – Alec Baldwin – The owner of the Bourbon Room club where most everything happens. He was hilarious… can’t spoil why. But defenitely one of my two favorite characters.
Lonny – Russell Brand – My other favorite character. Again, can’t say why in this section. But he was GREAT and fun to watch in every scene he was in. Which saved some scenes from being completely horrible, so thank you.
Mayor Whitmore – Bryan Cranston – Only mentioned him because of who the actor is. Didn’t know he was in it, so that was a nice surprise.
Patricia Whitmore – Catherine Zeta-Jones – The mayors uptight wife. Loved her in this. She was great in the songs that she did and great at the acting parts. I loved her.
Paul Gill – Paul Giamatti – The douche bag agent of Stacee Jaxx and later Drew. He played the douche with the disturbing mustache all too well.
Constance Sack – Malin Akerman – The Rolling Stones reporter. LOVED her character and she played it amazingly.
Justice – Mary J. Blige – She’s a high class strip club owner. She was great in the movie just to have an amazing voice that you knew you always could count on.
Part 2 – In Depth Spoiler Ridden Review/Synopsis
Let me start by saying – I LOVE musicals. But, sometimes, they just don’t translate to film if they’re not done right. Many of the scenes in this movie failed at that.
The first scene, I was already worried.
Sister Christian/Just like Paradise/Nothin’ But a Good Time – Sherrie starts singing on the bus and people join in. Didn’t work. I understand how the scene works as an opening number in a musical, but not in film. I laughed. Whatever. Next scene. Dumb Sherrie gets mugged cause she’s an idiot. Then Drew gets her a job at the Bourbon Club.
Juke Box Hero/I love Rock and Roll – This scene both failed and was awesome at the same time. Drew and Sherrie start doing the Juke Box Hero song at a record store, and it’s another scene that did NOT translate well to the movie. I felt like they tried to do it JUST like they do in the musical, and it didn’t work. But the song also keeps switching over to a drunk Russell Brand and Alec Baldwin for the “I Love Rock and Roll” part and it was awesome. So mixed feelings.
Hit Me With Your Best Shot – Here’s a short clip of it. It’s about 2 minutes long in the movie, and, in the movie, it’s intercut with scenes of her husband cheating on her with the secretary and being spanked with a ruler. It was hilarious. Loved this scene.
Waiting for a Girl Like You – One of the many bad duets between Sherrie and Drew.
More than Words / Heaven – More than Words was another bad duet. But Heaven was actually great. It was well presented and Drew sang it nicely. It was also one time I wasn’t annoyed with Sherrie’s voice.
Wanted Dead or Alive – The first time we get to see Tom Cruise being truly insane and singing like a madman and seeing his rocking body. Also get to see the Rolling Stones reporter (Malin Akerman) carried around by two of Stacee Jaxx bodyguards while in a school-girl-reporter-esque outfit.
I Want to Know What Love Is – The second best scene in the whole movie. Cruise and Akerman are incredible opposite each other. Watching them undress each other is hilarious. I was dying. At one point she starts undoing Cruise’s pants with her teeth. Epic. And when she gets mostly naked she has some adorable undies on. Haha. It was just a hilarious and hot scene at the same time. And the song was good too.
I Wanna Rock – Drew, being all pissed off and cranky at seeing Sherrie come out of Stacee Jaxx’s dressing room, suddenly gets over his stage fright we heard about earlier in the movie and does a “great” performance. It was ok. The fact that he suddenly didn’t have stage fright after he made a huge deal about it just a few minutes ago and after this it was never mentioned again just kind of annoyed me.
Pour Some Sugar on Me – Epic. The song begins with Jaxx pretending to jack off… any song that starts out like that has gotta be great, right?! And Tom Cruise did GREAT at this song. It was a fun song to watch and listen to.
Harden my Heart – Meh. Sherrie being all whiney singing… but then Mary J. Blige joins in, so it got better. But a stupid scene all around I thought.
At this point in the movie, Drew has been signed by the same manager as Stacee Jaxx, and he’s changing up Drew’s look to better suit what the record label wants, and now Sherrie starts working as a waitress and eventually a stripper at the worlds most high class strip joint I’ve ever seen.
Shadows of the Night (and a bit more Harden my Heart) – This scene was enjoyable for watching all the insane shit the strippers do. These weren’t normal strippers. These were crazy acrobats and the worlds best dancer/strippers I’d ever scene. Some of the things they did were insane and all the women were RIPPED. One woman slides down about a 20 foot pole upside down and then stops an inch from the ground WITH HER THIGHS. If I could have any womans body ever – it’d be hers. I don’t even care what she looked like. Those women were incredible. The song was good too.
Here I Go Again – This is the scene where we actually see the stuff happening to Drew with the manager and Sherrie deciding she’d make more money as a stripper. We also see Lonny and Dennis worrying about how they are behind on taxes and being all sad about money. Important for plot development but meh on the song.
Can’t Fight This Feeling – BEST SCENE IN THE WHOLE MOVIE. HANDS DOWN. Let me just tell you why: Russell Brand and Alec Baldwin make out. That’s it. Done. Epic. You see some flashbacks of their whole professional relationship and it has always seemed like there’s this weird tension. So when they start singing this duet to each other in a quiet room all alone, I found my self crossing my fingers in hope that they would make out. Why? It would make the movie. And they did. That made the movie worth it. It was EPIC. Disturbing yes, but epic. So hilarious and so awesome at the same time.
Any Way You Want It – Another good song in the strip club. Those were just awesome to watch for the strippers. So I loved it. And as I write this blog, I’m using the soundtrack list, obviously, to get the song titles in order – apparently, this song has Mary J. Blige (duh), Julianne Hough (duh), and Constantine Maroulis. Yeah, American-Idol Constantine. IMDB has him listed as a “record executive” in the movie. But I don’t remember him in it… Whatever. I liked the song.
Undercover Love – Poor Drew, in a boy band. This scene was hard to watch just for the horrible song and outfits they’re in. But that’s kind of the point so I’ll let it slide.
Every Rose has its Thorns – This is the scene where Drew, Sherrie, and Stacee all realize they aren’t happy with their life. Drew hates the boy band (duh), Sherrie hates being a stripper (duh), and Stacee loves Constance, the Rolling Stones girl (duh if you were watching the movie). Again, meh to watch but important plot points.
Rock You Like a Hurricane – I’ll be honest, I went pee during this song. I have no idea what happened. I asked both my mom and my sister what happened… and neither remember. So it was clearly uneventful.
Now, here during the movie Stacee Jaxx makes a hilarious phone call to some guy at Rolling Stones looking for Constance, so that was hilarious. And shocker, everyone ends up back at the Bourbon Room.
We Built This City/We’re Not Gonna Take It – Another fun song, that is partly shown on youtube. It was one of the better songs, and it was fun to watch. It’s also when we find out that (obvious by now in the movie) Patricia Whitmore (Catherine Zeta-Jones) used to be a Stacee Jaxx groupie.
Don’t Stop Believin’ – This song was awesome for three reasons. One of them being the fact that it was obviously the last song. Yay! Another because it was actually a great song in the movie and presented well. We get to see Drew and Sherrie really on stage with Stacee Jaxx (again, a beautiful shirtless Tom Cruise) and all of them really performing. And the final reason? Catherine Zeta Jones comes out in her rocker outfit that is like skimpy leather. Yes.
It’s an ok watch. It was just so inconsistent and hit or miss. I think it’d be fun to watch again and make fun of, with some alcohol in my system. I’d wait to see this until it came out to rent or was on netflix.